So, it’s been six months. I still can remember the plans I made for every aspect of my life the first day of 2010. From career to relationships, self-development and spirituality — I had it all set.
It’s funny coz it’s just now that I realized that all this time, until now, all I have is a plan. It’s not funny coz I’ve been doing it in circles. I’m always waiting for the perfect timing, controlling my actions — afraid of making mistakes. And when something goes wrong, I give in and mess it all up thinking I can start again some other time — back to square one. As a result, nothing is happening. I’m just going with and through the flow without growing. How’s that?
I’ve been so wrapped up in thinking, striving and making sure I’m ok that I haven’t really stopped to just be. So, I’m stopping. I’m admitting I’m not ok. I don’t have it together. I’m lonely. I’m a bloody big mess inside.
But still, I am grateful despite and in spite of. My heart is overwhelmed with thankfulness that God is here, I am blessed, I am loved… And I’m gonna use this as an inspiration to keep the faith, be mature enough, and live with a positive disposition.
I’m still pursuing my plan but with much flexibility. It’ll be more adaptive to life’s spontaneity. Who knows I might succeed this time. After all, I still have the rest of 2010 and my life to make things right — if not, learn from the experience. I believe God has a greater plan for me. I know right?
As the lyrics of Scouting For Girls' This Ain't A Love Song goes: I may be down, scared and a little bit frightened, I’ll be coming back fighting to life.
